Zini, me & life in general

I was wondering about how ours is a society where some people tend go overboard in telling others, especially to women & their parents, what to do, when to do it & how to do it.

When you are a bachelor & having fun, going out with friends, watching movies, going to all the food joints, shopping with friends & just roaming about in the city on your scooty (I miss all these big time), these people don’t like it. As soon as you finish your studies & join a job (or even before that), people start asking your parents when are you getting your daughter married? so even if your parents are in no hurry, there are others around who want to see you married & settled (?). Well, I didn’t like people asking me these questions.

Felt like telling them an old joke. It goes like this:

Once a young bachelor was attending a wedding. Old relatives, kept telling him “Ab tumhari baari hai” (Next is your turn – to get married). The guy got really irritated.

Next he met the same old relatives at a funeral & told them “Ab aapki baari hai” (Next is your turn –  to have your own funeral)…….

I know it sounds really mean, so managed to hold my tongue ;).

Next when you get married, people want you to have child. Even if your in–laws & parents are chilled out, others will worry a lot that shaadi ke ek saal baad bhi abhi bachha nahi hua, kuch problem to nahi hai?!?! Arey bhai, let us decide whether we want a child, and if we want, when is the right time. Within a year they may start saying “Shaadi ko to abhi kaafi time ho gaya hai, good news kab suna rahe ho?” (you are married since a long time now, when are you giving good news – of conception?). And I wonder, why don’t they ask this question to the husbunds.

And even after you get a baby, these people don’t just rest. They want you to have another baby (no wonder, ours is such a populous country), “Ab isko ek bhai/behan to de do, bechara bachha akela pad jaata hai”. (Now give a brother/sister to your child, poor kid feels alone). Also they will give u a lot of suggestion on the way you should raise your kid & tell you that what all you are doing is totally wrong (I can write another post on this ;))

And yes, if you don’t have a son, then definitely you are pressurized to have another child. You will hear things like “ek beta to hona hi chahiye, budhape ka sahara hota hai, ek aurat ki life bete ke bina adhuri hai” (you must have a son, he will be your support in old age, a woman’s life is incomplete without a son). You will hear educated young women saying such things. I feel like informing them about various investment options available to support your old age. I have seen old parents supporting their good for nothing young sons & their families. I have also seen married and single daughters taking care of their parents with or without their hubby’s support. I wonder how a son completes a woman’s life ?!?!?

So what’s your experience with such people?!?


Comments on: "People & their thoughts" (20)

  1. This is just so common that when you meet a relative you know already what to expect based on ur ‘stage’ of life 😉

  2. I had similar questions just 3 months into the marriage…’good news kab suna rahe ho’..initially we just used to laugh them off, after an year Zack devised a new way to fend of the inquisitive people..we simply say ‘bhagwan ke marzi’ when asked abt a kid 😆

    I agree with you..I have seen more daughters taking care and supporting their parents than the sons.. 🙂

    • HaHaHa, “Bhagwan ki marzi” is a nice way to say it, you can add that next time please directly ask Bhagwan & let me know if anything new 😉

  3. Thats true… one is forced at every moment of his/her life.. might be a girl or a boy.. and infact as u said girls especially in our country do have overloaded resposibilities…. and it s not necesarry that only a guy look after his parents.. even i have seen girls taking care of parents.. dont get frustated.. keep on goign with ur writing…!!

    • Thanks for dropping by Shivprasad….
      No frustration as of now….I am just amused at how even educated young girls think like this?!?!

  4. That’s how people get the fodder to pass their spare time… worrying about others you see 🙂 I have met them at every stage and now I have learned to listen to them and give a big smile with no answer at all.. Most of them take the clue.

  5. chattywren said:

    Ha ha, ZM, you just can’t take them all on- people and their questions! Laughing at them is indeed a good ploy. And I get furious over the boy vs girl thing too, as I have indeed seen parents supporting a not-so-capable-pampered boy!! Can’t help giving free gyan, other people’s life is much more interesting than one’s own.

    • You are right, we can’t take on all these people…But what saddens me is that not only past generation but even the girls from young generation feels this way!!!!
      And you are so right about the people being interested in other’s life 😉

  6. He he he he. Just laugh at them. No seriously. Is there anything you can say that will put their tongues to rest? No.
    Most instances, it IS liek that. Our parnts and those who matter a lot to us udnerstand. It is the rest who are unduly worried.
    I love Visha’s take – Bhagwan ki Marzi. and a good smile. and change topics. Or better still, tell them you will plan it your way.
    Seriously, just how many can we please? 😛

    • Yeah, so right, we can’t say anything to put their tongues to rest!!!! Oh, bhagwan ki marzi is a great answer 🙂
      No, we can’t please everybody, and definitely can’t please them when we don’t agree on principal…

  7. Ah! I could relate so much to this post because been there done that. You know once we had a baby I had thought now my MIL will quit expecting something from us but guess what? Ek Ghar ho jata to acha tha…
    Now that, that is done, we are loaded with ample advice as to how to bring up our son.
    As I always say, in India we have opinion on anythung & everything and we never hesitate in advicing. India is full of ‘Raichands’ 😉

    Nice blog 🙂

    • Welcome here Smita!! Thanks…
      LOL on “Raichands”!!!! People keep expecting things from you and as a result keep poking their noses in your life…

  8. Not minding one’s business seems to come very naturally to people in our country. In fact it should be declared our national pastime 😉

    I too have found out that the best way to deal with this is to just smile and say nothing at all
    but it sure gets on the nerves.

    • Welcome scribblehappy 🙂
      Yeah National pastime sound apt 😉
      So, by popular vote smile (and not the laughter as i tend to do) is the best antidote to unwanted advice 😀

  9. oh my experience? hahaha I better not spill it out here or it will become a beeeeg blog post 😀 People will never stop questioning your decisions and will never start appreciating your efforts ..that’s the bottom line and we have to learn to live with such people around,sigh!

    • Arey, do a big blog post on your thoughts then, Scribby!! Would love to know your thoughts about this 🙂
      I know, we have to live with such people around, it’s sad 😦

  10. T2M, They say there is no free lunch..But, there is one thing that can be gotten free , especially in our society..ie, advice..More than advice you can term it “dictating what/when/how to do stuff”..Most of the times, these days we can guess what questions would come to us and from whom depending on one’s stage..as much as we all know that the best is to ignore or “listen in one ear and leave through another” or much better dont listen at all and ignore, sometimes, depending on our mood, these unsolicited gets on to us and spoils our mood..

    • You are sooo right!!!
      The free advice at times becomes order with constant follow up!!! Yes it tends to become irritating at times.

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