Zini, me & life in general

I felt all these emotions last week (yes Visha after your emotions post, i thought of coming out with mine 😉 )…

Surprised because, i realized Zini can actually dance in front of an audience without any fear!!! Zini’s school was celebrating Annual day and all the little kids performed on the stage!!! All of them did a great job!!! Last time the school had similar program, Zini saw me and stopped dancing and came running to me 🙄

This time hubby and I ensured that we were safely hidden!!!  When the little girl came on the stage, she was searching around for us, but could not see us…So she danced!!! Yes, all the little children doing similar steps!! I was so impressed by the babies and their teachers!!! It’s no mean feat for the toddlers to stick at a place and dance in front of an audience of 200+ crowd!!! And it’s a herculean task to make them do that and their teachers not just managed this task, they outperformed!!! All the kids seemed to enjoy themselves and parents went mad and proud seeing all the cuteness around!!!

So yes, surprised i was!!!

Then i was shocked after few days because, Zini, who otherwise is friendly with most kids and doesn’t mind sharing her toys with her friends, flew off the handle when one of the kid in the play ground tried to ride her cycle!!! She cried so loudly and tried push the boy away from her cycle. In turn the boy clung to the cycle and won’t let it go…One way the scene was pretty amusing with both of them holding onto cycle, but other way it was horrifying to see Zini doing this…Finally with great difficulty we (the moms) managed to calm them down and we had to beat a hasty retreat 😦

I was really shocked to see Zini behaving like this….I hope it’s a phase and she comes out of it soon….

And i felt silly because, i realized that somewhere it may have been my fault….It’s difficult to admit but i’ll do it here. sometimes i too fly off handle and scream at her. And have even spanked her in past twice, which i immediately regretted and wowed not to do again….This episode with the little boy and the cycle made me realize that why i should never again repeat that mistake…

Now, when everything else fails and i can’t take her tantrum anymore then i pick her up and move her to another room and tell her that she should remain in the room till she is done with her tantrum. though i am not sure whether this is the right way to handle her tantrum, but this way of doing it helps in calming both of us down. And after a few moments we both can talk (or at least i) rationally and are ready to make some compromises and finally sanity prevails..

So, any more suggestions on how to keep calm when Tantrum toofan strikes (Yes, i try to deep breathing too)?!

The child can bring out the best and worst in you and can make you experience extreme emotions, both happy and not so happy (Billy Joel  i really think you wrote this for a child!!)…..

P.S. – Admitting my mistake was very difficult but i did it for Zini, so that when she reads this she can know that her mom made mistakes but also tried to correct them….

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Comments on: "Surprised, Shocked, Silly and Sane…." (22)

  1. Sigh!!! I so relate to you. I have been going thru a phase with Arnav where he is creating havoc round the clock!! WIll write about it.

    I agree with your approach…we need to divert their mind and then make them see sense which again is better said then done!!

    And seeing her dance must have been heartwarking na!! We parents are so very proud of their achvmnts na!!

    • Thanks for understanding…It has been really very difficult to admit my mistake…
      Yes, seeing her dance made us really proud!! I was not really sure whether she will do it, but when she danced, i was all mushy 🙂

  2. Oh big big hugs to Zini for dancing onstage that too in sync 🙂

    Dont be too hard on yourself, we keep learning something everyday irrespective of the place and age 😉

    Kids get diverted too easily, thats the part which I like in them best :mrgreen: So when a tantrum is brewing, look for diversions 😀

    • Will pass on the hugs 🙂
      I try a lot of diversions with her, but now a days she doesn’t give in to them, rather she tries my diversion techniques with me..I think i’ll do a post on how this brat of mine tries to divert me 🙄

  3. wow! when the kids dance on stage, it is so special 🙂 and about flying off the handle, we all do that and i am sure it is just a phase and she will be alright 🙂

  4. Wow, that must have been a nice experience seeing your little one perform right? 🙂
    About the other thing, it’s such a bog coincidence that you posted about this today, because I have only been mulling about Zo since morning. Well, she is much younger, only 17 months with no understanding of things, but today, as she walked into day care, she promptly went to this little boy with a toy and tried taking it. He didn’t hand it over, so she came running to me and cried. i tried explaining that she should take another toy, but she is too little to understand. The day care lady asked the boy to give her the toy, but I asked her not to do so, it would only encourage such behavior.

    I need to talk to moms about this, because, I have heard these tantrums happen, but is it too early for me to worry that she is becoming stubborn? I never scream at her, and I know, it’s too early, but I want to keep it that way, because, I have seen her emulate the shouting when anyone does it, The Dude a couple of times.

    In any case, I am paranoid that she will not learn to share, being the first and only grandchild of her grandparents, the one who owns all that she has at home etc. Is a sibling an answer to this at all? Anyway, not sure, and had to vent out so used up all your space:)

    • It was a very nice experience, i almost got tears in my eyes watching her perform :)…
      You are right, Zo is still young….What i’ve realized is that once kids turn 2 their tantrums increases (I found that after her 2nd birthday Zini’s tantrum multiplied by like 1000 times?! though can’t be true for all the kids :))…I would say don’t worry about her being stubborn, all the kids are stubborn.
      And I think in day care and (once she starts) school she will learn to share..As “What to expect the toddler years” says by nature all the toddlers are self centered, and they have to be tough to be sensitive towards others . Following the advice from this book, I try to share my things (books, food, work 😉 ) with Zini and also encourage her to share her things with me and her friends (i don’t force her, request her). Also, if she wants a toy that belongs to other kid then she knows that she has to request for it. and if the owner of the toy refuses to share then she doesn’t insist on having it (thankfully till now she has been sticking to this rule). Similarly she expects other kids to follow the same rules and not touch her toys/things when she says no…I don’t what does she do in school (where toys don’t belong to any kid), but her teacher says that she is not into hitting and pushing at school. But we still have a long way to go in sharing department…
      I am not sure but, I don’t think having sibling is the only answer to sharing. My hubby, who is only child, is good at sharing. I would say, my In laws did a good job at teaching him to share…
      It’s really good that you are not shouting at her. I think you will do alright…Being in different room from the tantrum throwing brat has helped me in keeping calm, so in case you get an urge to shout at her then you can try this trick, it may work for you as well 🙂
      You are most welcome to vent here (or on mail) at anytime you feel like 🙂

  5. vishalbheeroo said:

    I think it happens when parents lose their temper with kids. I am not married and don’t know about parenting but I would suggest that you keep calm and let your temper flay. These are kids and perhaps lil bit psychology like ok..im getting out of the room and you be on your own.

    Cheers
    Vishal
    http://www.vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com

  6. I can imagine how proud you must be! It is wonderful to see our kids perform. Even now, when I see mine on the stage, I invariably have tears in my eyes.

    As for the sharing thingy, don’t worry, she will grow out of it. One of the things, my mum used to tell me was to distract her if she is in a phase of demanding and refusing to understand. It worked wonders. And as she grew older, she understood as well, the reasoning behind things. And for some things, I have a strict rule. For instance, behave badly in the playground means no play time, that she understands perfectly!

    • Yes, i almost had tears in my eyes watching her perform 🙂

      I hope she grows out of it soon. The thing is that she shares her toys and things with friends she knows and trusts, but not with someone new 😦

      Yes, distraction worked wonders here too. But since last few days it has lost it’s charm 😦 She adamantly sticks to the same thing no matter how much i try distracting 😦 Normally she understands reasoning behind me saying something.. But sometimes she acts so impossible and drives me nuts 😦 At such a time it becomes so difficult to keep my calm. going in different room seems to be working in calming me.

      Till now, Zini hardly behaved badly in public. But if this continues then I think i’ll follow your rule of no play time on misbehaving on playground….

  7. Hey, kudos to Zini and to the proud parents!! Big G was like this too, and still looks out for us when she is on stage. I try to hide, because I am normally mostly in tears too (of joy) and I don’t want her to see a crying mama. Lil G is the bindaas types. Sharing does not come easily to kids at the beginning. But ought to encourage them to do it without insisting. Twos and threes are challenging ages!

    • Thanks 🙂 But it was all thanks to the teachers and the kids, that the show went well…Parents had nothing to do with the success of the show 🙂 Awww…That’s so sweet…
      The thing with Zini is that she shares things with her friends but not with someone new 😦 So for her to share her things, the kid has to be her friend!!! No matter how much we request sharing, she would throw tantrum if the new kid touched her toys 🙄
      2 and 3s really are very challenging 😦

  8. Years I meant!

  9. Glad to know Zini did some wonders on stage, it is just the opposite with my little niece, she won’t start performing until she sees someone from the family watching her.

    Reading all the mommy blogs sometimes want me to jump into motherhood but sometimes scares the already skeptical me. Though by the time it’s my turn, all of you will become master of this art, so I know where to reach to :).

    But I have seen my sister growing up and the changes in her and how her tantrums or mood swings can be emotionally overwhelming. Even post marriage, and living miles apart a call from her, a fb update or her blog post effects my mood.

    And I think you do the right thing by talking to Zini though not sure abt sending to another room, I feel the communication channel should never be broken at any cost, that’s the on,y mantra for any relation.

    • Zini had fun on the stage 🙂 I was really pleasantly surprised that she (for that matter every kid there) was not afraid of seeing so many eyes watching them 🙂
      I hope i haven’t scared you too much 😉 But jokes apart, you can definitely share your mommy problems and experience when your turn comes…But frankly every mom and child pair is unique!! and the way they deal a problem may also be unique to them 🙂
      Wow, you and your sis share a great bond 🙂
      Hmmm, you are right about the communication channel keeping open. But sometimes just to keep my temper in check and stopping myself from saying something hurtful i have resorted to this time out technique, where we take few minutes of break from each other and then come back a little calmer to talk….

  10. the phases, sigh! i had a similar experience with San when she first acted like a meanie! and yay to Zini for braving it in front of an audience! 🙂

  11. I can relate to this post so much ZM. It is such a good feeling to see your child on stage 🙂
    You guys hid yourself from Zini! In our case it is the opposite… only when Cheebu finds us in the audience, she concentrates on her dance… otherwise she keeps looking for us.
    She had her annual function at school this weekend where she gave her first solo speech on stage… wait let me do a post on it soon 🙂
    And don’t be too hard on yourself… we parents are humans too and have our patience limits too. As long as you come back to them calmly and explain to them I think they do understand 🙂

    • Yes, it felt really good to see her enjoying on the stage…
      Wow, Cheebu’s solo speech…waiting for the post 🙂
      Thanks a lot for understanding…
      yes, i try to calm down and explain…but still not completely there….

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