Zini, me & life in general

Fear!!

All my life lot of people have described me as bold or brave.. Which actually isn’t completely true.

As a child I was completely afraid of dark. It was so bad that I won’t go to bathroom alone, especially at my grandmother’s place which was situated by a river and bathroom was a little away from the drawing room. And then one day fed up by my fear, my mama turned off each and every light of the home and dropped me at the bathroom asked me to come back on my own and left!! I managed to come back alright 😉 and since then I somehow am not that afraid of dark 🙂

I am also a scaredy cat when it comes to watching horror and similarly scary movies. I generally avoid watching them. On the rare occasions I ended up watching them, I couldn’t sleep well for few days!! Even the funny Ramsay movies could do that to me, not to mention Friday the 13th and the evil. Oh I even got scared by watching Bhul Bhulaiya and The glass house, not exactly horror movies!!

But still people called me brave!! They said so because of my ability to stand up to anybody and speak my mind. I looked like someone who won’t take it lying down. In spite my general tendency of pleasing people, I voiced my opinion and spoke exactly what I thought for the things that really mattered to me. I also stood up for friends, which must have given the impression. I also appreciate this quality in other people. That explains why I was attracted to my husband. Some incidences at work place further bolstered this image.. I remember an office function for families where my super boss on meeting my parents for the first time told them that your daughter is very brave!!

But I want to tell that this is not exactly true!! There are other fears that I have apart from the ridiculous fears of dark and horror movies. I fear for my daughter’s safety. Every time she steps out of the house to go to school or to play, i have this little nagging fear in my heart. I know it is ridiculous!! She has to go out and win the world.. But isn’t it a bad bad world out there, especially this part of the world? You hear everyday about children getting abused and harmed. If a mother going to ATM in a crowded market at 8 pm with her child can be looted inside the ATM by showing gun to her child then how can I feel safe taking my daughter to the nearby park in same neighbourhood at 8 pm? If a friend can be looted of her precious chain in front of the society gate, how would I be able let my precious jewel go out alone? And all this in the so called safe area!! Does this mean that I have to restrict her (and mine) freedom too? Is stepping out without a car after dark a complete no-no for us now? Won’t my daughter know the joy of freedom the way I’ve known it? Won’t she get to ride that scooty and hang out with friends without worrying about time? Won’t she become independent, strong and brave, just the way I want her to be?

I know it’s too early to worry about. But I hope and pray my fears turn out to be false. I hope she truly becomes a brave person, someone who won’t cower in the face of adversity but would go out and fight it, however big or small it may be.

I am missing Ahmedabad today…

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