While blog hopping, via Indian home maker’s blog I hopped onto The Bride‘s post on Why she wanted payment for labour and the associated work and it got me thinking, I wanted to comment there, but as she has closed comments, I am sharing my thoughts here :).
First when I read it, I asked myself whether I would want payment for going through Labor to have Zini and breastfeed her, and my answer was, No. I felt that it would be like paying a surrogate to have your baby. The only difference is that here husband is paying his wife, while in the other case the couple is paying the surrogate.
Thankfully my labor was relatively easier, lasted for only an hour (Though it was the most difficult one hour in my life in terms of physical pain). I had heard horror stories of women having their labor pain lasting for 24 hours. So, when I finally delivered, I was so relieved and thankful that it was over, I didn’t think about anything else. And to tell the truth, I didn’t find breast feeding a burden. though waking up at night to feed her was a tough task, most of the times I enjoyed it. I liked the fact that I was responsible for this little baby’s nutrition and was ensuring that she was getting good immunity and other benefits of breast feeding. Also it was pretty much hassle free. If we were going out, I didn’t need to pack bottles and formulas. Also I would like to add that hubby was pretty neutral about having a baby. He had told me that we will have a baby if you want and when you want.
Zini looks so much like her father, and this disappointed me. I remember telling hubby that while I did all the work of carrying her around and delivering her, she doesn’t even look like me, you got the baby for free, and she even looks like you. But still, I didn’t feel that I wanted any compensation for this.
But as Zini started growing and started throwing tantrums, started falling ill more often (once i stopped breast feeding her) and in general became handful, I felt like taking a break. I told hubby that after going through all this I deserved a vacation. Also after a tough day alone with Zini, when he returns I expect him to look after Zini. This also gives him a chance to spend time & bond with Zini.
So there…In every relationship there is this give and take. It’s just that it’s not always spelt out. So, now I can understand bride’s point of view. Though I still don’t want monetary compensation for my labor of love, i would love to have a vacation 🙂
I actually liked Nandini’s thought that rather than hubby, it should be the society that pays up. In some countries, the maternity/paternity leave is 9 months long. Why can’t we have that option here as well? When I was working, I talked about this at every opportunity (read meetings with higher brass), and finally when i resigned i suggested supporting new mothers in different ways. I hear now our center has a focus group for helping new and expecting mothers :). But still it is more on case to case basis, and there is no policy in place. Why can’t we have a national policy to make the experience of parenthood easier and happier?
And to end this with one more question, do you like gifts??? I do. I love them 🙂