Zini, me & life in general

Posts tagged ‘life’

Fear!!

All my life lot of people have described me as bold or brave.. Which actually isn’t completely true.

As a child I was completely afraid of dark. It was so bad that I won’t go to bathroom alone, especially at my grandmother’s place which was situated by a river and bathroom was a little away from the drawing room. And then one day fed up by my fear, my mama turned off each and every light of the home and dropped me at the bathroom asked me to come back on my own and left!! I managed to come back alright 😉 and since then I somehow am not that afraid of dark 🙂

I am also a scaredy cat when it comes to watching horror and similarly scary movies. I generally avoid watching them. On the rare occasions I ended up watching them, I couldn’t sleep well for few days!! Even the funny Ramsay movies could do that to me, not to mention Friday the 13th and the evil. Oh I even got scared by watching Bhul Bhulaiya and The glass house, not exactly horror movies!!

But still people called me brave!! They said so because of my ability to stand up to anybody and speak my mind. I looked like someone who won’t take it lying down. In spite my general tendency of pleasing people, I voiced my opinion and spoke exactly what I thought for the things that really mattered to me. I also stood up for friends, which must have given the impression. I also appreciate this quality in other people. That explains why I was attracted to my husband. Some incidences at work place further bolstered this image.. I remember an office function for families where my super boss on meeting my parents for the first time told them that your daughter is very brave!!

But I want to tell that this is not exactly true!! There are other fears that I have apart from the ridiculous fears of dark and horror movies. I fear for my daughter’s safety. Every time she steps out of the house to go to school or to play, i have this little nagging fear in my heart. I know it is ridiculous!! She has to go out and win the world.. But isn’t it a bad bad world out there, especially this part of the world? You hear everyday about children getting abused and harmed. If a mother going to ATM in a crowded market at 8 pm with her child can be looted inside the ATM by showing gun to her child then how can I feel safe taking my daughter to the nearby park in same neighbourhood at 8 pm? If a friend can be looted of her precious chain in front of the society gate, how would I be able let my precious jewel go out alone? And all this in the so called safe area!! Does this mean that I have to restrict her (and mine) freedom too? Is stepping out without a car after dark a complete no-no for us now? Won’t my daughter know the joy of freedom the way I’ve known it? Won’t she get to ride that scooty and hang out with friends without worrying about time? Won’t she become independent, strong and brave, just the way I want her to be?

I know it’s too early to worry about. But I hope and pray my fears turn out to be false. I hope she truly becomes a brave person, someone who won’t cower in the face of adversity but would go out and fight it, however big or small it may be.

I am missing Ahmedabad today…

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Can’t even think of a title!!

When I read my previous blog posts, I just can’t believe that I wrote them!! Some of them are so good and some of them are cringeworthy.. Still I wrote them. And today when I try to write a new post, I can’t even think of a title!!

While I am really proud of my previous posts, I wonder that is it possible that we somehow loose that creativity or ability to express ourselves in the written words? Because that is happening to me now a days. I can’t really articulate that well.. Is it because, there are too many things on my mind and there is no mind space for creative writing? I hope so.. After all writing a book is on my bucket list and it can’t be fulfilled if I can’t do some engaging writing..

So here I am, trying to brush it up.. Trying to reach out to that place in my mind that has gone in hibernation due to demands of work, commute, family and other persuits. Now that we are talking about other persuit, let me tell you more about it.. You may remember during my previous life as a stay at home mom, I started a baking business? I stopped it after I joined a full time job. But that keeda didn’t die down. It kept coming back to me. For the whole of last year I thought about it. I thought about learning baking professionally and doing it for the living. You may also remember that I was a student of youtube and various food blogs.. But to gain that confidence to put across that premium rate for my baked goodies, I had to go to the baking classes. So I paid a bomb (Thanks to my regular job) and did this baking course, where I mostly learnt about various cake decorating techniques. Some of them I knew but polished it there, some of the techniques were new to me and got a foundation to learn further. Most importantly I learnt to speak up and not to compromise. I realized that if I do that it won’t be fun anymore, it won’t be worth it.

And finally I took the plunge. I once again started baking professionally. If anything it has made my days much more hectic. But I am loving it.. I am loving this phase where I am just setting up the business. I love it when I get great feedback on the cake I had delivered. I love it when the kids come up to me and tell me that the cake I baked was awesome, or that my garlic breads are their most favorite thing in the world. It makes me happy when I see the awestruck faces of the children who can’t decide whether to play with the cake or to eat it, and when these little ones can’t keep their hands of these cakes!! I am not saying it has been all rosy.. I have had my share of mistakes, but thankfully they were far and few in between. And the customers, or friends who ordered have been sweet enough to show confidence in me and have ordered again. I love it when the people who ordered with me 4 years back, come back and order again as soon as they know that I have started the business again. I should count my blessings…

So ending this post with some of my recent creations.. Hope to be back soon..

You can keep track of my latest work on my food blog too at Cake n Curry.

I won’t do it again….

I see the date of my last post and my head hangs in shame 😦 It has been more than a month since a posted…. after making a comeback i went missing again… I hope i don’t do it again…

This time too there were many reasons for my absence, so i won’t bore you guys with them… Suffice to say would be that at a time there were 3 ill people at home and i was the only one  to look after all of them 😦

now i got a little breather, hence i’ll share with you guys what all is happening in our lives..

I have started a home baking business. So i make breads, cookies and cakes and sell them!! I even had a stall during Durga Pooja festival and got great response!! I might have laughed had somebody told me that i would be doing something with cooking, let alone enjoy it!! But here i am!! baking and enjoying!! And to think about it, i didn’t even know baking before 2 years!! A big thanks goes to a lot of food bloggers out there, who make totally amazing things and share them, so people like me can learn!! So work-wise i am in a happy phase!!

Zini’s nursery admission is done too!! She already was eligible for the nursery admission in her own school, but we wanted to try in one more school and try we did. I made a mistake in filling the form, still the school called us for interview!! Yes, they have interview!! And during the interview, Zini totally refused to acknowledge the presence of the teacher!! When teacher asked her about here watch, she ignored the teacher, looked at me and commanded me to put the watch inside the bag. (did i say, she is called Shakki Budhiya by my cousin?!). Then during the interview she said, she wanted to go su-su, and i picked her up and ran for it. Everybody had a great laugh at my expense, including Zini. And once she was safely placed on the potty seat, she laughed and said nahi aayi hai 🙄 despite all this drama (or probably because of the entertainment value of the drama) she got the admission in this coveted school…So next year she will go to the big school…

I finally got the laptop!! From the money that came from my content development work, i got a laptop!! though the touchscreen ones, the detachable ones and the yoga (yes, yoga) ones called out to me, i settled for a basic but fast laptop and happy with it for now!! Next on my radar is the hand mixy to cut down my work while cake, cookies and bread making!!

There is one more thing that is added to my wishlist and that is sea walking. My papa (who is as much an adventure enthusiast as i am) did sea walking in his recent vacation and from what he described, i am totally tempted to try it!! hope to do it soon…

So what’s up at your end?!

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