Zini, me & life in general

Posts tagged ‘motherhood’

Surprised, Shocked, Silly and Sane….

I felt all these emotions last week (yes Visha after your emotions post, i thought of coming out with mine 😉 )…

Surprised because, i realized Zini can actually dance in front of an audience without any fear!!! Zini’s school was celebrating Annual day and all the little kids performed on the stage!!! All of them did a great job!!! Last time the school had similar program, Zini saw me and stopped dancing and came running to me 🙄

This time hubby and I ensured that we were safely hidden!!!  When the little girl came on the stage, she was searching around for us, but could not see us…So she danced!!! Yes, all the little children doing similar steps!! I was so impressed by the babies and their teachers!!! It’s no mean feat for the toddlers to stick at a place and dance in front of an audience of 200+ crowd!!! And it’s a herculean task to make them do that and their teachers not just managed this task, they outperformed!!! All the kids seemed to enjoy themselves and parents went mad and proud seeing all the cuteness around!!!

So yes, surprised i was!!!

Then i was shocked after few days because, Zini, who otherwise is friendly with most kids and doesn’t mind sharing her toys with her friends, flew off the handle when one of the kid in the play ground tried to ride her cycle!!! She cried so loudly and tried push the boy away from her cycle. In turn the boy clung to the cycle and won’t let it go…One way the scene was pretty amusing with both of them holding onto cycle, but other way it was horrifying to see Zini doing this…Finally with great difficulty we (the moms) managed to calm them down and we had to beat a hasty retreat 😦

I was really shocked to see Zini behaving like this….I hope it’s a phase and she comes out of it soon….

And i felt silly because, i realized that somewhere it may have been my fault….It’s difficult to admit but i’ll do it here. sometimes i too fly off handle and scream at her. And have even spanked her in past twice, which i immediately regretted and wowed not to do again….This episode with the little boy and the cycle made me realize that why i should never again repeat that mistake…

Now, when everything else fails and i can’t take her tantrum anymore then i pick her up and move her to another room and tell her that she should remain in the room till she is done with her tantrum. though i am not sure whether this is the right way to handle her tantrum, but this way of doing it helps in calming both of us down. And after a few moments we both can talk (or at least i) rationally and are ready to make some compromises and finally sanity prevails..

So, any more suggestions on how to keep calm when Tantrum toofan strikes (Yes, i try to deep breathing too)?!

The child can bring out the best and worst in you and can make you experience extreme emotions, both happy and not so happy (Billy Joel  i really think you wrote this for a child!!)…..

P.S. – Admitting my mistake was very difficult but i did it for Zini, so that when she reads this she can know that her mom made mistakes but also tried to correct them….

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Reasons for having at least 1 daughter

Disclaimer: All these are not my thoughts, some of them belong to friends, some to relatives, some i might have read somewhere. i found some of them funny and some of them cute, hence worth sharing…..

So here are some thoughts on why a mother should have at least one daughter….

1) So that you can gossip with her!!!

2) So that your hubby & in laws and in case you have a son also, get more aware about problems faced by girls…

3) You can be sure that when she has her own child, she would know what all you went through…

4) Both of you can share dresses, makeup etc…

5) You have your own in-house fashion adviser…

6) She will always be by your side and understand you…

7) Your legacy, the way you do things will continue because your daughter will do things in similar way….

Let me reiterate this, the list is for fun…This doesn’t mean that moms of boys are losing out….the little ones, irrespective of their gender, enriches our lives in many many ways….

I loved what Scribby said “a baby is a baby is a baby, of your own!”

(You know you are a mom when) Cube

Rememember the posts i did about You know you are a mom when..(here and here).

Well obviously it’s impossible to come up with complete list, so here are few more tell-tale signs of mommy hood…

1) You shudder at the “F” word (Fever!!)

2) You just can’t wait for the school vacations to END…

3) You have gained so much knowledge about the childhood illnesses, that you think you can become a doctor…

4) If not doctor then at least a nurse, after all you have so much of experience in this field now…

5) Or a nutritionist may be?!? Haven’t you already done phenomenal amount of research in this field?!?!

6) You get interested in cooking!!!

7) You are 101% convinced that the question “Yeh Kya hai (what’s this)” is hurled at you at least 1001 times a day!!!

8) You think that having a head massage and after that taking a head bath takes soooooooooooooo much time and is a luxury for the privileged few, and going to a beauty parlor also falls in the same category…

9) You hop, skip, run, jump and drop everything when you hear the P word (potty) from the little one, just to be told that “Ab nahi aa rahi (Don’t want to do it now)”!!!

10) You search the net for potty training tips!!!

11) You know who Dora, Boots, Chhota Bheem, Barney, Teletubbies or some such sundry characters are…

12) You marvel at the fact that how that little baby who always used to sleep (okay, used to nurse and poop also) has started walking, talking and pakaoing you!!!

13) When you are not able to find something, only your little one will be able to throw some light on its whereabouts…

14) You use a big big purse and it always has a diaper, sipper and something to eat…

15) People call to wish you on your birthday and then talk about your child only…

16) When your parents (and your in-laws, your maasi, your brother, your friends, in short everybody!!!) go from a plain “Hmmmm” to an excited “Haaan Beta” when they realize that it’s the little one calling using your phone…

17) You know that “Lello” means “Yellow” or it can even mean “Hello”!!!

18) And you still have the exponential rate of rise in respect for your mom….

The labor of love

While blog hopping, via Indian home maker’s blog I hopped onto The Bride‘s post on Why she wanted payment for labour and the associated work and it got me thinking, I wanted to comment there, but as she has closed comments, I am sharing my thoughts here :).

First when I read it, I asked myself  whether I would want payment for going through Labor to have Zini and breastfeed her, and my answer was,  No. I felt that it would be like paying a surrogate to have your baby. The only difference is that here husband is paying his wife, while in the other case the couple is paying the surrogate.

Thankfully my labor was relatively easier, lasted for only an hour (Though it was the most difficult one hour in my life in terms of physical pain). I had heard horror stories of women having their labor pain lasting for 24 hours. So, when I finally delivered, I was so relieved and thankful that it was over, I didn’t think about anything else. And to tell the truth, I didn’t find breast feeding a burden. though waking up at night to feed her was a tough task, most of the times I enjoyed it. I liked the fact that I was responsible for this little baby’s nutrition and was ensuring that she was getting good immunity and other benefits of breast feeding. Also it was pretty much hassle free. If we were going out, I didn’t need to pack bottles and formulas. Also I would like to add that hubby was pretty neutral about having a baby. He had told me that we will have a baby if you want and when you want.

Zini looks so much like her father, and this disappointed me. I remember telling hubby that while I did all the work of carrying her around and delivering her, she doesn’t even look like me, you got the baby for free, and she even looks like you. But still, I didn’t feel that I wanted any compensation for this.

But as Zini started growing and started throwing tantrums, started falling ill more often (once i stopped breast feeding her) and in general became handful, I felt like taking a break. I told hubby that after going through all this I deserved a vacation. Also after a tough day alone with Zini, when he returns I expect him to look after Zini. This also gives him a chance to spend time & bond with Zini.

So there…In every relationship there is this give and take. It’s just that it’s not always spelt out. So, now I can understand bride’s point of view. Though I still don’t want monetary compensation for my labor of love, i would love to have a vacation 🙂

I actually liked Nandini’s thought that rather than hubby, it should be the society that pays up. In some countries, the maternity/paternity leave is 9 months long. Why can’t we have that option here as well? When I was working, I talked about this at every opportunity (read meetings with higher brass), and finally when i resigned i suggested supporting new mothers in different ways. I hear now our center has a focus group for helping new and expecting mothers :). But still it is more on case to case basis, and there is no policy in place. Why can’t we have a national policy to make the experience of parenthood easier and happier?

And to end this with one more question, do you like gifts??? I do. I love them 🙂

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